Monday, April 1, 2013

Happy Our Day!

Hello to all my fellow heathens and sinners and sodomites! I'm coming back from my blog mission to tell you all why I was gone for so long: It's because now I'm an ATHIEST! That's right, now I am worshipping myself and also Pope Dick Dawkings and Saint Christy Hitchins, because I no longer have the morals or the senses God gave me. The Holy Spirit has left me and hardened my heart, and now I am going to fill my empty life with murder and sodomy! Also, I think I am going to get my doctorate in God-Denying and Darwinism at Ivory Tower University, so I can be part of the Big Scienceist Elite! So goodbye everyone, I'm not going to blog here anymore, because now I'm going to write for a big Athiest blog network to get lots of fame and money! Because I'm a BIG ATHIEST! (If you're confused or sad, check the date--and come back tomorrow!)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Lion is on the Prowl

So, I mentioned before my problems with The Muslim Baby Murderer, "President" Hussein, but I don't think enough has been said. I mean, how can so many people stand idley by while an illegitimate candidate usurps the throne of the United States Presidency? No one can find his birth certificate! I don't know about you, but everyone I know has a birth certificate, even people who were "born" by Ceasary Insection. If Hussein doesn't have a birth certificate, then the clear conclusion is that he was never born.

Now, some might suggest that maybe this means he's an actor or a pawn of the Global Conspiracy, put in that place by the Shadow Government, who created a flawless new identity for him, complete with a fake wife and kids. That's certainly a possibility; the amount of time he's spent funnelling money to conspiracy projects like the Federal Banks and Big Auto shows that he's clearly working for the Conspiracy.

But there's an equally plausible option: perhaps the identity wasn't created--he was. He was made in a sinful Athiest Big Science laboratory, probably due to the mixing of two sodomites' sperms into a soulless clone. After that, he was given to an Athiest and a Muslim (same thing, pretty much), who raised him without teaching him about the One True God, instead filling his soulless mind with Satan's teachings. He grew up, falsely claimed to convert to Christianity but kept practicing Muslimism under his racist Muslim pastor, and became a powerful politician with his silver (forked!) tongue. His ability to speak and persuade is legendary, and now he leads our One Nation Under God away from His Holy Protection by promoting the Global Satanic Conspiracy and making it legal for Big Scienceists to murder babies and taking away the Most Important Amendment (From my cold dead hands!!!).

Isn't it obvious? HUSSEIN IS THE ANTICHRIST! It's just like Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins foretold in the wonderful Left Behind books (specifically the first prequel, "The Rising")! I'll bet that Athiest laboratory was in Rome, where the Bible clearly says the Antichrist will come from! Besides, if I were going to try to come up with an evil Antichrist name that was even scarier than "Nicolae Carpathia," I don't think I could do better than "Barack Hussein Obama."

Evil has risen, but remember Christians, this is a good sign! The rise of the Antichrist and the strengthening of the New One World Government Order Conspiracy means that the End Times truly are upon us! The Rapture will surely be coming any day now!

More Proof of God from Athiests

I've often said that Athiests end up proving God's existence even when they're denying it. One more way they do this is shown in the way they attack the Christians but never the Muslims. Honestly, have you ever seen an Athiest try to argue with a Muslim? I doubt that they'd even be able to understand each other, what with all that silly yodeling in the Muslim language.

But remember that Athiests are dumb, and not being able to understand what their opponents are saying has never stopped them from arguing before. Just look at how idiots like Dick Dawkins and Christy Hitchens and Paul Maeyers attack the God without even looking at the sophisticated theological arguments that show how self-evident God is. So what's stopping Athiests from going after the Muslims?

God is, that's what. The Athiests know that the Muslims worship a false god named Alla, and since their god doesn't exist and hasn't written any morals on their hearts, which is why they're so quick to protest and attack and behead people. Christians, on the other hand, are restrained by the One True God, and so much as we might be tempted to, we can't go around cutting the heads off of every Athiest who makes us upset, or forcing all our women to dress in incredibly modest clothing, or cutting out our sister's sinful parts so they won't go whoring themselves out and making our fathers blame us for not being good examples of proper moral behavior.

If Athiests really didn't believe in God, then they'd be just as likely to go after Muslims as Christians. They don't, because they know that the Muslims would dismember them, and they know that the real God will prevent Christians from doing the same.

Skeptripe #11: "Evil"

Welcome back to "Skeptripe," where I expose words and phrases used by so-called "Skeptics" and Athiests that are overused, misused, or just plain stupid.

One of the really amazing thing about Athiests and "Skeptics" is how they'll claim that they deny God and Christ Jesus and the Holy Spirit in one breath, but then they'll affirm their existence in the next. One of the best examples of this is when Athiests talk about "Evil." On one hand, you might say that Athiests should be experts on Evil, since the Holy Bible clearly says "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good." (Psm. 53:1). Since no Athiest does good, they must have more experience with evil than anyone else!

And that's certainly true, but remember that Satan is the Great Deceiver, and that God has written morals on each of our hearts. That moral writing is the only thing that keeps True Christians from running around murdering babies and sodomizing our neighbors and torturing Jews until they repent. When someone chooses to reject God and be an Athiest, God goes out of them and He takes that moral sense with Him. Without that barrier, Athiests are free to commit those sins that we all want to do, and they have nothing to keep them from acting that way! "Good" and "evil" have no meaning to an Athiest, since they no longer have God to tell them which one is which!

But then they'll turn around and talk to good Christians about the "problem of evil." This is very revealing, because it shows us that even in the most hard-hearted dumb Athiest "Skeptic" Big Scienceist, there is still something of God left (after all, He is everywhere and in everything!) behind. This little remnant of God reminds Athiests, somewhere deep in their knighted minds, remember what it was like to have all of God inside them. And so they have a God-shaped hole in their hearts, and that hole longs, yearns, and pulsates to be filled once more with God's white-hot perfect Love. Some part of them remembers what it was like to know the difference between right and wrong, and they know that evil is a problem. Obviously, if God didn't exist, they wouldn't know that there was such a thing as good or evil at all, but since they do, they're showing that they know the Truth!

Unfortunately for them, they're deceived by Satan and they don't have that God-part that tells them what evil is, so they say things like "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" If they still had their God-part intact, they'd know that the answer is simple: Satan does it. It's Satan's influence and the Fall of Man that allows evil and sin to happen in the world. That's the definition of evil: what Satan does.

"But," says the Athiest, "didn't God make Satan? Doesn't God know the future?" Well, of course, on both accounts. God made everything. And so God knows that eventually, Satan will take over the world, and then God will finally destroy him for all eternity. God knew that all from the very beginning, and He knew that this method would result in punishment of the wicked souls and rewarding the virtuous souls with watching the wicked souls get tormented for all eternity. If the Athiest still had their God-part, they'd understand that this is all part of God's perfect plan and perfect justice, which we can't understand, unless we have God in our hearts.

In other words, the only "problem of evil" is that Athiests have a problem understanding what "evil" is.

Wishy-Washy Big Scienceists

The other day, I was looking at the Christian blogs or watching the CBN news, and someone mentioned some "new finding" in Big Science. Funny how with all those "new findings," they never seem to find Christ Jesus. I mean, he's only everywhere and in everything. You'd think with all their microscopes they'd be able to find the tiny universe-making angels, and with all their telescopes, they'd be able to see all the people up in Heaven looking down through us to laugh at all the people down in Hell.

By the way, I remember hearing that one group of Big Scienceists dug a really deep hole and dropped a microphone down into it (so they're stupid and careless!), and they recorded the sounds of Hell! And that's how they invented Rock Music (aka The Devil's Playlist).

Anyway, it seems like every time I look at Conspiracy-controlled Mass Media, and even good Real True Christian media, they're talking about some "new finding" in Big Science, and how all the Big Scienceists are "baffled" or "perplexed" or "bemused" by it. I just don't know how you could go around being "baffled" all the time, especially when you could have perfect certainty if you just accepted Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior. Then again, Athiests and Big Scienceists are so dumb that they'd probably be just as "baffled" anyway. "Duh, what do I have to do to get to Heaven? Duh, why do bad things happen to good people? Duh, what happens to people who die without getting the chance to know about Jesus?" I've even heard some so-called Christians asking those stupid Athiest questions; they might as well just tell the truth and call themselves Athiests!

And then those Fake Christian Athiest Big Scienceists could go around talking about how baffled they are because some "new finding" made Big Science change its mind. Big Scienceists, remember, are being deceived by the Devil, Satan, once called Lucifer the Morningstar, the Prince of Lies, and we all know that lies don't have to be consistent. The Adversary is always changing the way he deceives his followers, and so they always have to keep changing what they say is "true," which is easy for them because they believe in nothing. We True Christians, on the other hand, must always be totally consistent in what we believe, because God is infinite and eternal and perfect and never changes His mind.

Case in point: Back before Christopher Columbus found God's Chosen Continent, Big Scienceists said the world was flat, as evidenced by all the square globes and rectangular maps. Even then, Real True Christians understood that the circle was God's perfect shape, and in three dimensions (one for each member of the Holy Trinity--the whole of Creation proclaims the truth of the Bible!) a circle is a sphere, so Christians knew that the Earth (and all the other planets) must have been a perfect sphere. Eventually the Truth of this basic fact became too obvious for even those Satan-deceived Big Scienceists to deny, so Big Science changed its mind and started making globes in God's perfect Trinitarian shape.
This is the greatest weakness of Big Science: they're always changing their minds, changing their beliefs, changing their "theories"--it's no wonder they're always so confused and baffled! The more they have to change, the less consistent their beliefs are, and the more their fairy tales and fables fall apart. The Truth of Christianity is shown by the certainty it provides True Christians--only the One True God could grant the serenity of perfect certainty!

So next time you hear that Big Scienceists are "baffled" or have some "new finding," remember that it means they've changed their minds again, in response to the whims of the Great Deceiver. The sinful world may change, and Big Science may "progress," but Christians are the same now as they were two thousand years ago. Let everyone else bend to the whims of sin, I'm happy living in 33 Anno Domini.

More Comforting Thoughts

Sometimes children ask me what an Athiest is, usually around a campfire at a Jesus Camp, and I lean in close and tell them the Truth: an Athiest is someone who believes that there's nothing. Usually the kids laugh, especially when I explain the rest: "but then, the nothing decides to evolve!" I never get much farther than that, because usually some of the kids have laughed so hard that they're experiencing the Holy Spirit and the rest of us have to make them bite down on something. But I could definitely go on.

See, you can tell an Athiest how silly it is to have evidence, but you can't make them think. Let's face it, they're dumb--that's why they believe in nothing, because it's so easy to think about nothing. I know if I had the choice, I'd think about nothing too, but I believe in God, and that's better than nothing.

If I were ever able to read off the rest of my notecards, I'd tell the kids that Athiests believe that one day, nothing decided to evolve into something, and so there was a sudden explosion, and nothing became something. But then, that something had to go find a girl something so they could make more things. I can't imagine how much Holy Spirit would fill the kids if I got this far--I mean, imagine two nothings deciding to evolve into something, but one chooses to be a boy something and the other chooses to be a girl something, all at the same time--and Athiests think this happened by random chance! How ridiculous!

But anyway, Athiests believe that nothing evolved into something, which then evolved into everything. Somewhere along the way, every thing decided "I want to evolve into something new," and so every little atom evolved an eye (because half of one would be no good), then a fin, then hair, then maybe another eye, and this goes on for hundreds and hundreds of years, until every atom has decided to evolve new bits onto itself. I don't understand how any of this is supposed to work; I've tried concentrating really hard many times and deciding to evolve new body parts--like extra hands, so I can always be praying, or extra eyes so I can keep better watch for the Second Coming of Christ Jesus, or skin that's made of gold and diamonds--but even with the help of all the magic universe-making angels, I can't seem to evolve at all! You'd think the Athiests would see this as a flaw in their beliefs.

Anyway, after everything decides to evolve into some new thing, it has to find something else that decided to evolve into some other new thing, but a new girl thing, or otherwise it'll go extinct. This is why Athiests think the dinosaurs died out, because all the dinosaurs were boy dinosaurs, and none of them could cook or clean dishes, so they all starved to death. This is where the Athiest belief falls apart (again), because what happened to the dinosaurs would happen to every new animal! I mean, who would choose to evolve into a girl? If a dinosaur said "I want to be a girl dinosaur," its dad would beat it with a belt and tell it never to say that again, because that kind of talk would make it into a weak fairy sissy and not a Godly grown-up man. There'd never be any girls!

But there are girls, so either a bunch of really stupid dinosaurs said "I want to evolve into something weak and emotional that has to stay silent and have a man for a head, and I want to get rid of these really cool sharp teeth and claws because they would make it hard to cook and clean," or Athiest evolution is a silly, stupid lie. I think we all know which one of those is true.

I mean, how can you believe that everything comes from a boy-something and a girl-something getting together when all of creation cries out "Jesus!"?

Skeptripe #10: "Circular Reasoning"

Welcome back to "Skeptripe," where I expose words and phrases used by so-called "Skeptics" and Athiests that are overused, misused, or just plain stupid.

"Skeptics" and Athiests like to accuse Christians of using "circular reasoning" in arguments. As usual, this is due to "Skeptics" and Athiests' inability to see the obvious. Yes, God wrote the Bible, that's why the Bible is the only perfect book in existence, with no plot holes, errors, inconsistencies, or boring parts, unlike all those Athiest books. How else could a book written by one divine source have so many authors? It rained for 40 days and 40 nights before the Great Flood, and the Jews wandered through the desert for 40 years, and Jesus was in the desert for 40 days to be tempted--and there are Ten Commandments times Four Gospels, which equals 40! How could such divine math happen without God? And since the Bible is perfect, and the Bible says all these things happened, then we clearly know they happened, because God can't lie!

All these things are obvious, and yet the "Skeptics" will say "that's circular reasoning," as if that ends the argument! Guess what, Athiests: what's obvious is obvious, no matter what you call it. God's existence and the Bible's perfection are self-evident, and there are hundreds of arguments by clever theologians which prove that!

But let's say that the Athiests are right, and we're using "circular reasoning": so what? The circle is a perfect shape, and since the only other perfect things are God and the Bible, then "circular reasoning" must be perfect reasoning! "Circular reasoning" is God's reasoning! As usual, Athiests are trying to point out flaws in God's perfect creations, but circles are flawless, so the only way they can deny them is by Expelling these perfect arguments!

So the next time an Athiest says "that's circular reasoning," say "That's right, and therefore it's perfect. You'll never find a better argument for God."